The Unexpected

I was upset when my three year old peed outside for the first time.  I pointed the finger at his dad for modeling inappropriate behavior.  I thought it would make the potty training more difficult - training to pee in the potty and not outside.  Turns out though it wasn't bad.  He has peed outside more times than I'd like to say, but I've also been spared the task of washing his urine soaked clothing and shoes because of it.  I have had to put parameters on it - only pee in the backyard - after one potty break in the middle of the front yard for all of the neighbors to see.

When he plays outside and pees he tells me because he can't get the button snapped on his jeans.   I'm here to help and I like to keep a mental note on when he pee, so I don't mind him keeping me in the loop.  I try, though, to be proactive and make sure he goes pee before sending him outside so that he is less inclined to go in the yard. 

Friday afternoon he went pee and then I sent him running into the backyard to play.  While I sat at the table and talked with my daughter about her day at school I looked out the patio doors occasionally to check on him.  He played Fireman Sam, running, sliding, and putting out fires left and right.  About ten minutes later I saw him, out of the corner of my eye, buttoning his pants behind the grill.  I thought, "that's strange, he just went pee."  I opened the door and he came out from behind the grill.  I said, "Do you need help, Mister?  Did you have to pee again?"

He said, "I can't do that button.  No Mom, I pooped." 

"Sorry?  What?" I said.

"I pooped" he replied.  He walked me over, behind the grill, and showed me.  Yes, that's poop. OUTSIDE.  Inside, I was dying of laughter.  I had to do that thing when you hide your huge smile with your hand while trying to keep a stern mom tone of voice while I said, "Sir!  Do not poop outside." 

"OK. Sorry, Mom."  He replied. "But, the dogs poop outside." 

I couldn't argue that.  "Mister, the dogs are not people.  They have to poop outside because they are dogs.  People poop on a potty inside and dogs are not supposed to poop inside."

"That be yucky."  He seemed to get it. 

I started back to the house to get a bag to pick up my son's poop in the backyard but, as I turned away, the elder dog headed for the poop.  "NO!" I shouted!  "NO!  DO NOT EAT THAT POOP!"  I headed toward the poop, but the dog got there first.  Chomp. Chomp. Chomp went the dog, eating my son's poop.  (Gross. Gross. Gross went the Mom.)

I rushed inside to get a plastic bag and my daughter said, "What's going on?"  I quickly filled her in while I grabbed the bag from the foyer closet and then rushed back out to pick up the remaining piece of poop.  He and I continued our discussion about who poops where as I placed his poop in the dog poop garbage can. 

The day proceeded as usual.  Our dryer is on the fritz, so after a long afternoon at the laundromat and an hour at the blue park, the kids and I came home for dinner.  I decided we'd roast hot dogs and marshmallows over a bonfire and got started putting wood in the fire pit while the kids collected kindle behind the shed.  As I tried to get the flames blazing my daughter, Goose, ran past me and said, "I'm going to run inside to use the potty."  I kept about the work of stoking a fire.  Then out of the corner of my eye I saw him.

Crouching under the overturned canoe, held high by wooden work horses, with pants down my son sat, and tried to poop outside.  I said, "No!  Do not poop outside."  He quickly came out from under the canoe and pulled his pants up.  He said, "Sorry Mom.  But Goose just did it."

"Sorry?  What?" I said.  Now both of my kids are pooping in the backyard?  What?

I ran inside to find my daughter cleaning herself up a bit because her experiment with feces and nature had left her feeling a bit dirty.  I said, "Goose, did you just poop outside?" 

"Yes, I'm sorry, Mom."  She replied.  Mister came upstairs about that time and I had a conversation I truly never expected to have.  I said, "Listen, guys, we are people who poop on the potty in a house.  We are not dogs who poop in the backyard.  If either of you ever poop outside again you will immediately be sent to your room - no warnings."  They both shook their heads in agreement and again said in unison, "Sorry, Mom." 

I read the books from the AAP to 1-2-3 Magic.  I try to teach them right from wrong: feet off the furniture, hands to yourself, mind your manners.  All those classic parenting issues.  Oddly there is no mention of "kid crapping outside" in the index for either of those books.  Dr.Spock doesn't bring it up once!  Time and time again, the unexpected happens, and no resource can prepare you for it. 

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