A One Act Play: Boogers

Have you ever heard your son or daughter say something that you would totally say?  You think, oh geez - that sounded just like me.  But it wasn't the nicest thing in the world to say?  So you (sorta) kick yourself for being nasty and you (totally) giggle because it was (very) funny?

Act 1
Scene 1

Driving today the boys have a conversation.

MISTER  What's your favorite food?

HAPPY CRITTER  I don't know.

MISTER  Is it boogers?  I think it's boogers.

HAPPY CRITTER   (Turns quickly in his car seat) No, it is not boogers!

MISTER  (Furrows his brow) Well why do you eat boogers if you don't like them?

HAPPY CRITTER  (Yells) I don't eat boogers.

MISTER  Yes, you do.  (Gazes out the window) Just forget I said anything.

(The scene shifts to Mother in the front seat, thinking.)  

MOM  (He has a valid point.  Why do people eat boogers?  Is it like picking toe nails or scratching your ear with a bobby pin?  You do it, but you don't even realize you are doing it?  Does it taste good?  I think when I was a kid I ate boogers.  Maybe everyone eats boogers.)

As an aside: People actually study eating boogers.  There is a biochemistry professor, Scott Napper, from University of Saskatchewan who studied whether eating boogers boosted the immune system.  Can you imagine? People actually participated and were told to eat their boogers...and they did.  It makes sense to me that anything excreted from our bodies should not be ingested or put back into our bodies, regardless of whether it is going to boost our immunity.  Buy some tissues and zinc for Pete's Sake!  Maybe even a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette and brush up on our manners a bit.  Or if you're more of a modern reader try Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck - either way, keep your fingers out of your nose and your boogers to yourself.


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